I grew up eating government cheese and wearing Dollar General jelly shoes that gave me bleeding blisters. When I was very young we raised pigs to slaughter and stored homegrown root vegetables next to the coal in the basement to make it through the winter. We were sustainable chic before it was hipster. When you’re … More Bubbles and Budgets
If I could Match.Com me a perfect doesn’t-have-to-talk companion his name would be Sven and he would be a 6’4” Swedish masseuse. Instead I’m following a tiny Russian woman to a suspect back room to get mostly naked and shell out the equivalent of a Tiny House Nation mortgage for a professional rubdown. I hope. … More Russian Rubdown
I’ve always had a problem with emotionally unavailable men and this one certainly was icy. He swept in all hushed and magical, descending with fluttering wet kisses on my cheeks and eyelashes. I’d been warned about him. My friend Jim Cantore warned me. But who thinks with a name like Jonas there will really be … More Dumped by Jonas: I Get By
There is an inherent fear in being a woman, a dark shape lurking just in the periphery. We trek through parking garages alone with our keys clutched between knuckles to use as potential weapons. We have to calculate if the shortcut through the alley is worth the risk. We straighten our shoulders and hold our … More Fear Inherent
The first Christmas I spent in my home I was a wee overly excited to have my own entry doors to decorate. This seasonal eagerness may have totally precipitated a gotta handle it yourself Single Girl Situation. You see, in Life Before Mortgage I lived in a second floor apartment with multiple doors to … More One Flew Outta the Cuckoo’s Wreath
An acquaintance of mine a mere 4 years older just found out she’s pregnant. Her GYN instructed her to take it easy because her uterus is considered “elderly”. As in old. I immediately started knitting mine a pearly white shawl and googling prices for tiny little Hoverounds. I always said I wouldn’t even begin to … More My Uterus is Elderly (But She Still Likes to Party)
The first time I met my bug guy he hugged me. I could be wrong but I’m fairly certain this isn’t the kind of thing exterminators do upon meeting single male clients for the first time. Maybe it involves a chest bump? If I were all shacked up the exterminator is one of those things … More Ants in the Dishwasher
THE LONG ROAD TO EMBRACING THE PLUS NONE There I was just this past June on the dance floor, swaying in a slow circle with my favorite partner—an icy long neck bottle that was growing warmer under my clutch. My beer lets me lead and there’s no danger of it crushing the toes that … More Slow Dancing With My Beer
“There’s something to be said for letting it simmer. An instant grit is a bad thing.” Author Unknown This, apparently, is a lesson I have yet to learn as evidenced by my latest brief foray into dating. Pretty sure it’s related to more than my ineptitude in the kitchen (did you know baking soda and … More Rogue Tuba: A Brief Interlude
A friend of mine leaned in to inspect my hair the other day to exclaim “Wow, there’s some really blonde ones in there!” I am not a blonde. By blonde she meant gray. I am officially a 35-year-old single woman who often finds herself sleeping on the diagonal in a big king bed. After my birthday I … More Sleeping on the Diagonal: A New Box
Sleeping on the Diagonal 