I grew up eating government cheese and wearing Dollar General jelly shoes that gave me bleeding blisters. When I was very young we raised pigs to slaughter and stored homegrown root vegetables next to the coal in the basement to make it through the winter. We were sustainable chic before it was hipster. When you’re … More Bubbles and Budgets
If I could Match.Com me a perfect doesn’t-have-to-talk companion his name would be Sven and he would be a 6’4” Swedish masseuse. Instead I’m following a tiny Russian woman to a suspect back room to get mostly naked and shell out the equivalent of a Tiny House Nation mortgage for a professional rubdown. I hope. … More Russian Rubdown
I read Bukowski today, a poem for swingers, bookmarked and coffee-stained, living words I once knew by heart. I read Bukowski today, slid him off a dusty shelf and trailed my fingertips along his side, spine cracked and stiffened, a lover neglected. I read Bukowski today just after sunrise, with gritty eyes … More Finding Bukowski
I’ve always had a problem with emotionally unavailable men and this one certainly was icy. He swept in all hushed and magical, descending with fluttering wet kisses on my cheeks and eyelashes. I’d been warned about him. My friend Jim Cantore warned me. But who thinks with a name like Jonas there will really be … More Dumped by Jonas: I Get By
There is an inherent fear in being a woman, a dark shape lurking just in the periphery. We trek through parking garages alone with our keys clutched between knuckles to use as potential weapons. We have to calculate if the shortcut through the alley is worth the risk. We straighten our shoulders and hold our … More Fear Inherent
The first Christmas I spent in my home I was a wee overly excited to have my own entry doors to decorate. This seasonal eagerness may have totally precipitated a gotta handle it yourself Single Girl Situation. You see, in Life Before Mortgage I lived in a second floor apartment with multiple doors to … More One Flew Outta the Cuckoo’s Wreath
An acquaintance of mine a mere 4 years older just found out she’s pregnant. Her GYN instructed her to take it easy because her uterus is considered “elderly”. As in old. I immediately started knitting mine a pearly white shawl and googling prices for tiny little Hoverounds. I always said I wouldn’t even begin to … More My Uterus is Elderly (But She Still Likes to Party)
The first boy I ever loved was a Catholic School Bad Boy with a mischievous grin. It was the kind of love that tasted like cherry ChapStick and smelled like clean boy sweat. Not gym bag “my socks have been germinating in here for six months” teen boy but pure and undiluted burgeoning maleness. I … More Cherry ChapStick
WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS POETRY AND IT MAY CONTAIN ANGST (I warned you) MERLOT Scrubbing the stain of last night’s spilt wine, Foaming suds bristling and popping, Unable to erase the burnt Merlot Seeped deep into the fabric. Such a simple mistake, The wobbling of a glass when Our parting fingers brushed Against its stem. … More Burnt Merlot
The first time I met my bug guy he hugged me. I could be wrong but I’m fairly certain this isn’t the kind of thing exterminators do upon meeting single male clients for the first time. Maybe it involves a chest bump? If I were all shacked up the exterminator is one of those things … More Ants in the Dishwasher
Sleeping on the Diagonal 